Exhibit A

Dory, also known as Dorito, is so silly.  She really loves to crawl under covers, into coat sleeves (see exhibit A).  Every morning she hops up to the top of the cat tree and rolls around for more than 5 minutes.  Mewing and purring the whole time.  This cat is a keeper, despite her interest in chewing on every cord in the house.  She’s like a puppy that way.  I haven’t ever had a cat so interested in chewing.

We’ve found some toys that are especially developed to address the chewing kitty issue…but they are not of any sort of interest to Dory.  She’s getting better.  We keep her busy.  She’s also become much more comfortable in the house, even taking some time out of her busy schedule to sit on a lap or two for short spurts.  She is very loving and adorable.

Kangaroo Says "Time for a new washer."

And now, we are dealing with the issue that happened last year sometime and according to Consumer Reports (also known as “a leading consumer magazine” on the advertisements on Sears’ website), it is actually time to consider replacing rather than paying to repair a nearly twelve year old machine.

Now, I’d love to be able to quote to you just how many loads of laundry that our old basic model Kenmore top loading washing machine has churned out for us…or recount the times that I used it to felt certain objects (with or without intent on doing so)…or just about anything really.

It was a washing machine. But, it was my very first washing machine of my very own. I helped to pick it out. I was the primary user of said appliance for the past eleven plus years. And, I have to say that I really love having a washing machine in my house.

Mind you, there have been times when I said (sometime out loud) that the washing machine was too far and that going down the basement was too much work. I am fully aware of people who have to carry loads of laundry down three flights of stairs and have to have a certain number of quarters…and hope that Hoggy Hoggerson from Apartment 1B doesn’t have all of his clothes in the washers when they want to do their loads. I am also aware of people who have to lug laundry a few blocks away to a laundromat. Been there, done that.

Mostly, though, I’ve been grateful to have this amazing tool at my disposal. I can do laundry while I’m doing other things. I don’t have to have quarters to operate the machine. My laundry detergent options are at my fingertips. It’s all good.

Until recently, when aforementioned machine started to leak again. I am not going to lie to you and say that I’m not kind of eager to get a new machine…in fact, Lehu was the one who thought that having a repair person come the last time was a good idea and I was disappointed. Now, I am a little anxious about the cost of a new machine.

However, it is time. I have done my research and we will be heading over to Sears to check out the Consumer Reports Best Buys. I’ll keep you posted.

I started thinking that the blog I have been “starting” for over four months now has simply not gotten off the ground.  I have a post started, this is something, but I haven’t gotten far.  It leads me to recognize that I will need to prioritize writing in order for this to happen.  It isn’t as though Gracie or the cats (as smart as they may be) are going to flip open my lap top and start writing.

The good news is that I wrote today…and that you took the time to read today.  I’m grateful for these things and much more.

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Living with intention makes everything clearer and fuller.  What I mean is that I know more clearly what I am choosing to do and why.  I am significantly more aware of feelings that I have.  I have a lot of them, funny how eating goo gobs of sugar and processed foods will numb that out.  I’m grateful that I have found a way to significantly reduce or eliminate things from my life that cause me to be numb.

This said, my feelings sometimes completely and totally overwhelm me.  Case in point (and I promise to drop this issue after today):  the dog we rescued the other day.  I was so concerned about him and about what happened to him, and what would happen to him that I couldn’t eat (I did eat, but I lacked the desire to do so)!  I was sad and scared and angry and all of that all at once.  Well, no, not all at once, but in rapid sequence.   chose to just feel each of those feelings, ride them out, not fight them.  This is advice I have given to many many people, it was pretty useful.  I really should listen to myself.  I got through two agonizing days without numbing myself out completely.  This is progress.

Living with intention also provides opportunities for me to no respond immediately to anything.  I can always push pause and let things settle before I act.  Wow, this is an amazing piece of advice I have also provided and not heeded in the past.  This too is progress.

Living with intention to take care of me helps me to take better care of other people and animals (which is something that is important to me, and something I will not stop doing).

So, today I intend to care for me in order to care for others.  I intend to think of all of the people and animals in my life who I love and who love me.  I intend to think about the good things that have happened in the past year and not dwell on what was not so good.  I intend to enjoy what I can today.  All the while knowing that I can always restart if I divert from these intentions.

As I started writing that last paragraph, the sun started to come out!  I love that, and I believe that there are no coincidences (but that is another post entirely).

I am feeling relieved, but intensely sad and horrified that there are such ignorant people who either knowingly or unknowingly put animals in harm’s way.

Have a safe and lovely New Year’s Eve.  We are renting movies and laying low…what are your plans?

Well, for the past week I’ve been following discussion threads and getting more worried about the dog(s) out there.  And, because we thought that we were hunting down this GSD, I contacted GSD rescue, they said they can take him, if we could catch him.  One was running around very near to my neighborhood.  Last night we caught a dog in a park nearby who looks to be a German Shepherd mix.  It took two hours of patience, treats, and coaxing.  He was very timid and scared.  It helped also that one woman had her dog with her and the two dogs LOVED each other.

Now, before I got the email last night saying that he was in the park, I was ready to let go of my obsession with the dog (we thought it was one, it turns out it there is more than one German Shepherd Dog-like pup on the streets).  Apparently I wasn’t totally ready to let it go because within two minutes of getting the email, I had my coat, a leash, a collar and some treats and I was out the door.

I took him home last night and since Gracie has no immune system (due to immunosuppressive medication) we can’t co-mingle these two…as much as it seems they might love each other. He is in the garage, all curled up on a pile of blankets and under another blanket.  He is incredibly sweet, we are taking good care of him but we can’t keep him.

Because this guy is a mix and not really all that shepherd, the GSD rescue can’t take him.  Last night I was terribly upset about this.  I am still pretty scared.  I took him over to our vet this morning to find out it he is chipped.  He is.  The receptionist at the vet called and got the name and number of the owner he was registered to, and then called her.  I spoke with her and she said that she gave him away yesterday because she has allergies.  She said she put an ad on eBay.  This is not possible, here is a link to an article from 2005 in which eBay determines that they will not allow sales of live animals.  She also said that she had allergies and could not keep the dog unless she got allergy shots every week.  Then she asked me what the options for rescue are.  I strongly told her that I was just a neighbor who helped get this dog off the streets last night.  I do not do rescue. She gave us the name and number of the “new owners” and they said that he slipped his collar (which is entirely possible) and they couldn’t catch him.

I contacted a local multibreed dog rescue group and they are calling the two “owners” to help figure out it the dog is legally a stray or if he is a dog that can be placed in rescue.  Apparently, strays can only go to Animal Care and Control…which isn’t a really positive option because they are not “no-kill” and there are a lot of dogs who need homes.  A LOT.  I’m grateful that she is willing to talk with these people because of the sketchiness of the circumstances, I feel like someone with experience needs to talk with them to get to the bottom of this.  I have not heard back from her yet.  If he is eligible for rescue, then they can help us to place him in a loving home.  I do not want to be the one who interviews people and the surrender him to someone else.  That scares me.  A lot.

Please send paw-si-tive thoughts out to the universe for this little fellow.

For your viewing pleasure (or not)! I wish I could remove my voice from this…

The Lincoln Park Zoo has an event every year called Zoo Lights.  I went last night for the first time ever.  It was nice.  Holiday music and pretty lights and cute animals.  What more can you ask for?

Christmas 1975

As a child, I can remember sleeping on the fold-out couch in my grandma’s sewing room with my sister.  We would take shifts waiting and watching for Santa’s arrival.  We kept the blinds open so we had a clear view of the sky and the rooftop of the house across the street.

I, personally, don’t recall ever seeing Santa but my sister claims she did.  She is also,  by the way, the one who told me when I was ten that there is no Santa.  I believed her no matter what she told me.  This is still true to this day.  I feel this way about my brother too.  I believe whatever they tell me because I believe in them.  When they share their life experiences with me, I take them at face value.

Now, as I write this, I think about how each of the three of us have can have such widely different world views.  I also think about how emotions can get in the way of clear communication.  At the moment, in fact for the past thirteen months, they have been at odds with one another.  They are both desperately hurt by the actions and words of the other.  Neither is right and neither is wrong, but they are both really unable to believe in one another right now.

Siblings

By believing my sister when she told me that she saw Santa or the Tooth Fairy…I didn’t diminish my own self-worth or become someone who is somehow less than adequate.  I simply believed her.  I didn’t question her experience, nor did I question her motives in deciding to tell me that there is no Santa.  It didn’t matter to me what the “truth” was.  What mattered to me is that connection.  It is likely that I would have come to that conclusion on my own but I wasn’t in a hurry to connect those dots.  I never really have been in a hurry about this sort of thing.  Many times, my sister has been the one to push me a little outside of my comfort zone enough for me to see something new that I might like to bring into my world.  I love this about her.

My brother, on the other hand, has had a slowing effect on me.  His appreciation for things that make home feel like home is calming and reassuring.  I think, in a lot of ways, that we are very similar.  It is not always easy to see, but when I slow down I can find that feeling of home and familiarity.  I love this about him.

Each of them has a perspective that presents opportunities for me to solidify my own.  We don’t agree on a number of subjects but as I’ve grown, I’ve learned that I don’t have to agree with people to love and accept them.  I don’t have to choose the same paths that they have to find common themes and new ways to connect.

This knowing that I have been developing about my siblings and my role in our world isn’t coming easily or painlessly.  I think that in my heart I have had painful conflicts with each of them before I could let go…surrender…my expectations that they be something that they are not.  I have been through times of feeling desperately alone and misunderstood.  I have felt as though I had no familial connections and that I was floating in the universe with no foundation.  Oh the pain of that is devastating.  For me, though, I think it takes that level of pain to get to a new understanding of my world.  Otherwise I’d stay in numb oblivion and not move forward as a human being.

I know that neither my sister nor my brother have ever had nefarious intent toward me or toward each other.  No matter what words are exchanged, neither is trying to hurt the other.  They are trying to reconnect and the wires are cut.

Even at times when I have been at odds with them because I felt misunderstood or not loved or whatever…they were not trying to hurt me.  They didn’t know how to connect with me at those times.  It was like we were in different countries and none of us had the adequate adapter to make the electricity flow.  They weren’t doing anything differently than they had ever done, so it was my job to find the adapter (or to continue feeling disconnected).

The Writer

My wish in the new year is that they can put their hurts and resentments aside for a moment to see that no matter what, love is at the core.  There is, also, a yearning for childhood gone and the  painful realization that forging a new relationship as adults isn’t as easy as it was to get up on Christmas morning as children and tear into gifts with reckless abandon.  Or is it?!

We may originate from the same parental and sibling constellation, our paths in life have gone in different directions.  We have met different challenges and experiences along the way.   We may originate from the same parental and sibling constellation but we are not the same people (we never were).   We may originate from the same parental and sibling constellation, but we can never go back.  Let us all move forward in our humanity this year.  May we all find the willingness to develop adapters to be able to reconnect with and believe in people who are important to us.

Peace.